This is great! (that's right I both italicized AND made it bold) that's how great it is.
If there are any teachers reading this, preferably english teachers this
is a great exercise to have your students try.
Subject: A Tandem Story - Men vs Women
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process i s simple. Each person will pair off with
the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As
homework tonight, one of you will write the first
paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story
and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
"The first person will then add a third paragraph, and
so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written
in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his
English students, Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite
for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much
of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all
costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her
asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
important things to think about than the neuroses of
an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom
he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communi cator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off
a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat
and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but
not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days
had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read,
no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion
missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through
the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on
course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent,
chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F_KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air
headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
(Gary)
Bitch
(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
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At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communi cator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F_KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
Asshole.
Bitch
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
Go drink some tea - whore.
A+ - I really liked this one.
You know
Manicured nails are nice and all but... how the hell do you open a can of soda with them?
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Arguably the most popular phrases during Christmas
"Peace on Earth",
"Goodwill to Men" and
"Batteries not included"
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A little goodness
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This is horrible
I don't know how I didn't hear of this before but I don't really have any words for what these
people are.
First off people in Katrina left their animals, if they had to or they left em for another reason doesn't
change the fact that these pets where left alone.
Secondly after the hurricane hit there were hundreds of hungry dogs running up and down streets looking
for food and their owners.
When the army/cops/whatever walked the streets they would wag their tails and approach them looking for
food. And there's these cops who... just drove around and shot them. In their jeep with a rifle the dogs
would approach them with their tails wagging and their faces smiling and these people would kill them,
straight out not even 3 feet away. What kind of monster does this?
We kill them because it's more "humane" my ass. These shooting occured a couple of days after the
hurricane hit, alot of these dogs had their collars and information on them and most important
instead of calling the animal organizations who did arrive and rescue hundreds of pets, they
just shot them. I hate people like this, and when I come to think of my own dogs, of how sweet and trusting
they are of people I hate them even more.
People always ask me, "There are so many more important things to care about like rape, murder etc..."
and I always say that there is no comparison between a human and an animal's life but who the heck
is saying it is so? Just because I care about animals and stand against inhumane treatment
does not mean I would prefer an animal over a human b/c they dont even compare! So for those
people thinking that, get a new argument because no one is asking for there to be less importance on
human tragedies and aid.
And all those people who rape and murder and commit crimes... guess what? Most of those began by inhumane
animal treatments.
And besides all that... anyone who has ever owned a pet knows that all they want and ask for is your love
and companionship. They would rather starve and be with you than eat and be alone; and for those poor pets
wandering the streets looking for their families, it breaks my heart.
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Dog Training
So Stevie (look at his picture on the left) has been smelling like grass mixed with dirt and add a
pinch of the poop he steps on while chasing away anything that moves in the yard.
So I took him to the vet and had him groomed. 1st of today was a horrible day to do anything outside.
It was raining buckets and Steve isn't the most relaxed german sheperd, in fact he barely listens
to a word I say once he hears the jingle of his choke collar. So here I am, parked in front of
the vets office, checking to see if there are any poor victims in the waiting area b/c Steve can't be
near any of them.
I'm afraid he'll go into one of his "I'm gonna tear you apart" phases and he'll be dragging me through
the floor as he goes in for the lunge.
So I get out and stick my head in the office, "He's here". That all the vet assistants need for a
complete sweep of the area. All dogs/owners go into waiting rooms, all cats are picked up and taken
to the back etc... I'm not kidding. But not today. I don't know what it was, the weather, the humidity, a bad
hair day... but one of the vet assistants informs me that there isn't anything she can do. There
were 3 dogs in the lobby, all small and all wandering around without leashes.
"What should I do?"
"I don't know."
I was expecting the usual sweep of the area routine but she refused to budge as she petted some fat
cat in her arms like the bald guy in Austin Powers. "Do you have any male workers that can help
me with Steve?"
"Nope."
She was giving me nothing but a glare for not controlling my dog. But the thing is, we got Steve when
he was about 1-2yrs old. He was sick with heart worms and at the brink of death so the first thing
we did was not take him to a trainer but save his life. Another vet assistant walks in from the back
and she offers to help me, she's often the one who bathes him anyway so she knows how he works.
We open the car door, I pass her the leash and he's off running, she's trailing behind him but with
a lot more grace than I would have had. She opens the door and I hold my breath.
The surprising thing was, he didn't go straight for the throat. In fact he didn't go straight for the dogs at all.
Instead he went behind the greeting desk and laid down underneath it. Because my big, bad german sheperd
is afraid of lightning.
She told him some commands I had taught him at home and he listened to all of them! I was so proud I was
beaming... and just as I was gonna mentally congratulate myself he takes of running to the back, the vet
assistant trailing behind him. Oh well
The people in the waiting room smile at me with sympathy but all the vet assistants give me this "You're
the worst pet owner we've met".
I think it's time for the trainer. We have softened Steve up enough that he doesn't instantly attack other dogs,
and he semi listens to commands outside the house. Plus really, he's a big softy. He loves to be hugged
and kissed and he acts like a little dog, putting his huge face in my lap as he takes a nap.
And the two times he came into contact with Chester (also see left) with no supervision, Steve's 1st reaction
was to smell his butt, Very good indication that it's time for the trainer to step in.
Oh... and I got a lecture from the vet because he's 20lbs over weight.
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I got this in the mail and couldn't help but laugh
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed
below ....
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your
wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and
having
the balls to say: "You're next."
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I need to Name 5 Weird Habits
So I have a lot of things going on right now, but don't want to post them here. I guess that's what happens when people you hardly know but see everyday read your blog.
So instead I'll do this meme that my friend sent me but I won't be tagging other people. If you want to do it, go ahead. This one is actually interesting to read the answers of.
I play with numbers
I have a couple of favorite numbers and whenever I'm driving etc... I always look out for them. Be it in license plates, bill boards, the radio, the time anything. And I also subtract, add, divide... numbers to see if my lucky ones come out, and if they do I make a tiny wish.
Accents
Whenever I meet someone with a strange accent I begin memorizing their accent, and as soon as they are out of ear shot I mimic them. I love accents, though my australian sounds more indian than anything.
(this is hard. all the things I do don't seem strange to me)
Prayer
Whenever I see dead animals on the road I always say a little prayer for them. Even though I don't believe it, in the back of my mind is my grandmother's voice telling me that animals don't have souls, which anybody with a pet knows thats complete crap... so I always say a little prayer for them.
Imaginary Audience
Whenever I'm studying or doing something that asks for my concentration I talk to myself as if I had an audience. It keeps my mind from wandering and the constant rehearsal helps me remember things better. I also do it when I cook, and no I don't pretend to be Martha Stewart. :)
Captain Planet
In the winter time I like to leave the faucet running a bit before I do the dishes so the water will be nice and warm, but in the back of my mind I feel awful guilty. I have a picture of the cartoon I watched as a kid, Captain Planet and the Planeteers and him telling me to never leave the water running when your not using it since there are people all over the world with no water whatsoever.
SO there ya have it, not all of those are habit per se but they are odd little things.
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I have a couple of favorite numbers and whenever I'm driving etc... I always look out for them. Be it in license plates, bill boards, the radio, the time anything. And I also subtract, add, divide... numbers to see if my lucky ones come out, and if they do I make a tiny wish.
Whenever I meet someone with a strange accent I begin memorizing their accent, and as soon as they are out of ear shot I mimic them. I love accents, though my australian sounds more indian than anything.
Whenever I see dead animals on the road I always say a little prayer for them. Even though I don't believe it, in the back of my mind is my grandmother's voice telling me that animals don't have souls, which anybody with a pet knows thats complete crap... so I always say a little prayer for them.
Whenever I'm studying or doing something that asks for my concentration I talk to myself as if I had an audience. It keeps my mind from wandering and the constant rehearsal helps me remember things better. I also do it when I cook, and no I don't pretend to be Martha Stewart. :)
Captain Planet
In the winter time I like to leave the faucet running a bit before I do the dishes so the water will be nice and warm, but in the back of my mind I feel
Weird
So I'm getting weird email. I keep blocking the email addresses but they are coming at me in different names.
Subject: ratocination
the Monkey stood up and danced. Having vastly delighted the
assembly, he sat down amidst universal applause. The Camel,
envious of the praises bestowed on the Monkey and desiring to
divert to himself the favor of the guests, proposed to stand up
in his turn and dance for their amusement. He moved about in so
utterly ridiculous a manner that the Beasts, in a fit of
indignation, set upon him with clubs and drove him out of the
assembly.
It is absurd to ape our betters.
The Peasant and the Apple-Tree
A PEASANT had in his garden an Apple-Tree which bore no fruit but
only served as a harbor for the sparrows and grasshoppers. He
resolved to cut it down, and taking his axe in his hand, made a
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It is absurd to ape our betters. The Peasant and the Apple-Tree A PEASANT had in his garden an Apple-Tree which bore no fruit but only served as a harbor for the sparrows and grasshoppers. He resolved to cut it down, and taking his axe in his hand, made a